Embrace the Pause: How to Respond Instead of React in Relationships

Shanna Brown
Oct 23, 2025
3 min read

Updated: Oct 29, 2025

Welcome to Day Four of the Relationship Series

Beautiful Beings, welcome back 💞

Today’s lesson is one of my favorite relationship tools: Embrace the Pause — learning to respond rather than react.

Too often, we crave instant gratification in relationships. We want our needs met now — and when they aren’t, we create painful stories: They don’t care. They’re ignoring me. I’m not a priority.

But healthy relationships require space — space to think, feel, and respond thoughtfully.

Why Pausing Creates Emotional Safety

Conflict is inevitable. Every relationship will trigger old wounds, fears, or insecurities. When you’re triggered, your body goes into survival mode. You’re not thinking with logic or empathy; you’re reacting from emotion.

That’s why it’s nearly impossible to problem-solve in the heat of the moment. When you’re upset, your frontal lobe — the part of your brain responsible for reasoning — goes offline. You’re left reacting from your emotional and survival centers, which can’t process or compromise effectively.

So the next time you feel triggered, pause. Step away. Take a walk. Breathe. Calm your body before you engage.

When you return to the conversation from a grounded state, your brain and heart can work together again. That’s where real resolution happens.

Give Each Other Permission to Pause

One of the healthiest agreements you can make as a couple is to allow — and honor — the pause.

If your partner says, “I need time to think,” don’t interpret it as rejection or avoidance. Instead, see it as a commitment to a better, calmer response.

I used to struggle with this. I’d think through something for days, bring it to DJ, and expect him to have a well-thought-out answer instantly. That wasn’t fair. He needed time to process, too.

Now, when he says, “I’m walking away to think — I’ll come back,” I trust it. We both know the pause is an act of love, not disconnection.

Delaying Resolution Doesn’t Mean Avoiding It

Being an adult means learning to delay gratification — even in conflict. It’s okay to table a disagreement and revisit it later, after you’ve both cooled down.

That’s not avoidance; it’s emotional intelligence. You can still go out for dinner, laugh together, or spend time with friends, knowing your love is strong enough to hold temporary tension.

In fact, creating space often brings clarity and connection. DJ and I have used this approach many times — and our resolutions are always better, calmer, and more compassionate afterward.

Practice Exercise: Create a “Pause Plan”

Sit down with your partner and design a strategy for what to do when either of you feels triggered.

✨ What words will you use to signal that you need a pause?✨ How will you reassure each other that you’ll return to the conversation?✨ What helps you calm your body (breathing, movement, journaling, nature)?

Practicing this when you’re calm ensures you’ll remember it when emotions rise.

The Power of Responding Instead of Reacting

When you embrace the pause, you create space for reflection, empathy, and understanding. You teach your nervous system that love is safe even when it’s uncomfortable — and that conflict can be an opportunity, not a threat.

Remember: every pause is a chance to protect your connection, not your pride.

Stay Connected

Follow along for each chapter of this Relationship Series here on the Empowered Forever Blog, and on social media at @EmpoweredForever. You’ll get weekly insights, healing practices, and real-life examples to help you build relationships that last.

💞 Ready to Strengthen Your Relationship Tools?

If you’re ready to create your own “Pause Plan” or learn how to communicate more clearly and calmly, I can help.

🌹 The Love Solution — A 60-minute private session to uncover emotional triggers and learn to respond with peace instead of reactivity.

💫 VIP 1:1 Coaching & Healing — A 12-week journey to master emotional regulation, deepen intimacy, and create love that feels safe, mutual, and secure.

✨ Book your session or apply today — and start building a relationship that thrives through awareness, compassion, and calm.