How to Practice Positive Intent in Relationships: Assume the Best, Not the Worst

Shanna Brown
Oct 23, 2025
4 min read

Updated: Oct 29, 2025

Welcome to Day Two of the Relationship Series:

Welcome back, Beautiful Beings 🌸

Today’s lesson in our Relationship Series focuses on one of the most transformative — and often overlooked — relationship practices: Positive Intent.

This concept, introduced by Dr. Becky Bailey in Conscious Discipline, teaches us to assume the best about others instead of the worst. It means believing that your partner (and everyone you interact with) is doing the best they can with the tools and awareness they have in the moment.

When we adopt this mindset, we shift from judgment to compassion — and that shift can completely change the energy of a relationship.

What Positive Intent Really Means

Every person you meet is carrying a world of experiences — their history, stresses, and unhealed wounds. When your partner forgets something, reacts sharply, or withdraws, it’s rarely about you. It’s about what they’re managing inside.

Assuming positive intent doesn’t mean excusing poor behavior; it means starting from a place of empathy. You can still express boundaries, needs, and hurt — but you do it without layering on stories about what the other person meant to do.

This practice builds safety, understanding, and trust — the true cornerstones of healthy communication and emotional connection.

Real Relationship Example #1: When I Assumed the Worst

Early in my relationship with DJ, something he did really hurt me. I took it personally and told myself a story that he didn’t care about my feelings.

Then he looked at me and said,

“Do you really think I would ever intentionally try to hurt you?”

That question stopped me cold.

I realized that the man I love — the man I know as kind, loving, and generous — would never intentionally cause me pain. The hurt I felt wasn’t from his actions; it came from my past and my own fears of rejection.

Once I paused and re-centered in positive intent, I could see him clearly again. We talked, listened, and resolved what had happened from a place of love instead of defensiveness.

That moment changed how I showed up in relationships forever.

Real Relationship Example #2: The Grocery Store Flowers

Here’s another example (and one that still makes me smile).

Early on, DJ surprised me with flowers — just because. They were from the grocery store, not a fancy florist. Instead of feeling grateful for the sweet gesture, I told myself a story: He didn’t want to spend money on me.

That story wasn’t true — it was insecurity.

His intention was simple: to make me smile. My reaction turned a loving moment into da isconnection.

Once I realized this, we talked openly about how small gestures mean so much, and how important it is to interpret each other’s actions through love, not fear.

The moral? Your thoughts about your partner shape your experience of love more than their actions do.

A Gentle Disclaimer

Practicing positive intent does not mean ignoring red flags or tolerating abuse. If you’re in a toxic or unsafe relationship, this concept should never be used to minimize harmful behavior or gaslight yourself. Positive intent is a growth tool, not an excuse for mistreatment.

Practice Exercise: Reframe Your Stories

Grab your journal or notes app and try this:

Notice the story. What assumptions or negative stories do you tell yourself about your partner’s actions? (Example: They don’t care about me, they’re doing that on purpose.)
Reframe it through positive intent. What’s another way to interpret their behavior from a place of compassion or understanding? (Example: They’re overwhelmed right now. They didn’t realize how that would feel.)
Communicate with curiosity. Instead of accusing or assuming, ask: “Can you help me understand what you meant when you did/said that?”

With practice, you’ll notice more ease, patience, and connection in every conversation.

Why This Practice Strengthens Love

When both people assume positive intent, it creates emotional safety — the foundation of a secure relationship.

You begin to see your partner as an ally, not an adversary. You open space for real dialogue, empathy, and forgiveness.

And over time, this small mindset shift leads to a massive transformation in how you give and receive love.

A Loving Reminder

We are all perfectly imperfect humans, doing our best to love and be loved. The more grace you offer your partner, the more grace they’ll reflect back to you.

This isn’t about ignoring your feelings — it’s about approaching your relationships with compassion, not criticism.

Stay Connected

Follow along for each chapter of this Relationship Series here on the Empowered Forever Blog, and on social media at @EmpoweredForever. You’ll get weekly insights, healing practices, and real-life examples to help you build relationships that last.

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