The Truth About Change

Change has always been one of the biggest challenges in my life. I lived for the familiar and my parents were very similar in this way. I remember my Mom rereading the same books year after year, we went on the same vacation every year, often played the same games and my Dad would watch the same movies over and over again. Nothing wrong with having preferences, rituals or traditions. These are beautiful practices that serve a purpose in life, but sometimes sticking to the same routines and experiences can limit your ability to change because every day is reinforcing the familiar known reality. 

When I was younger and less skilled I would panic when things would change, such as the people around me changing behavior, last minute schedule changes, clothes I liked being discontinued, furniture being rearranged, etc… I was not a flexible child that enjoyed spontaneity, adventure and NEW experiences. I just wanted everything to stay the same so I felt safe and comfortable. When there was a change I would spend all my time and energy trying to make it feel the same (familiar past) versus adapting and embracing the change (unknown future).  

Does any of this sound familiar? 

So why was it so hard for me to change? Why was it hard to buy a new pair of leggings when my favorite ones were discontinued, get a new job, travel to a new place, eat at a new restaurant or talk to a stranger? 

Why is change so challenging? 

In today’s newsletter we are going to deep dive into the truth about change and why we resist change. (This newsletter is inspired by the work of Dr. Joe Dispenza)

Let’s Begin… 

The truth is to change is to go against your very nature. Primally you are WIRED for the familiar, you feel safest in the familiar and you feel the most comfortable in the familiar. And because you feel safe and comfortable in the familiar you will do everything in your power consciously and unconsciously to stay in your comfort zone.

You crave the familiar because when everything is familiar your brain no longer has to constantly scan the environment for possible threats, like our ancestors did. You will actually be more relaxed when life is familiar because you have done it before and you know how to function in this environment.  

This is why if you were raised in a household with high conflict and then you’re in a relationship with little conflict you may intentionally cause conflicts as a way to make the relationship more comfortable because your programming is used to  high conflict relationships. The familiar is not about what is healthy or unhealthy for you - it just comes down to what are the most predominant thoughts, behaviors and habits you have experienced in your life that make up your present familiar reality. 

Therefore, the first reason change is challenging is because you believe that change means danger, just like your ancestors did. And if you believe consciously or unconsciously that change means danger then you will fight to hold onto what you have, no matter what. You will fight for the high conflict relationship even if it isn’t healthy for you because you will feel safer in this familiar environment than you would in a new unfamiliar low conflict environment. (Check out this previous newsletter about why you hold onto the past versus moving forward into your vision of the future ) 

Change meant danger to your ancestors and you are still running their instinctual survival programming. In the past, change could mean a sabretooth tiger, a famine, or another warring tribe. The past was about survival and fighting to survive. There were no grocery stores, cell phones, or first class medical care. You relied on your instincts and your ability to assess possible threats to survive. 

Nowadays, you have technological advancements beyond your wildest dreams, but these advancements DO NOT turn off your survival instincts. You are still wired for survival first and foremost above everything else. You are still constantly assessing every change as a possible threat. For some people, my former self included you get to a constant state of survival where you are running the stress response 24/7, worrying, not sleeping and unable to relax or let your guard down for fear of something bad happening and catching you off guard. 

So change will always be challenging as long as you feed into your instincts that change means danger or a perceived threat to your safety. 

The second reason change is challenging is because your familiar past is unconscious and automatic - it’s literally your default. Your brain is pattern seeking and as you grow up, you have years, sometimes decades practicing the same thoughts, feelings and habits that you have had since you were a child.  

What you practice grows stronger, so these repetitive behaviors fire and wire in your brain creating neural pathways that become so strong these patterns/habits become automatic unconscious behaviors that you are not even aware of doing. These repetitive behaviors can include drinking wine anytime you feel stressed, biting your nails, binge eating, automatic negative thoughts, etc… 

For some of us, these thoughts, habits and behaviors have been going on for decades, and we are masters of our crafts! For example, I was a master at feeling sick, a master at feeling helpless, a master of feeling not good enough, a master of discontentment, a master of perfectionism. My brain would fire and wire over and over again thoughts, feelings and actions that would reinforce these habits until it becomes who you are.

Remember what I am always saying about healing??? Healing is about UNBECOMING everything you’re not so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place, YOU. You are meant to be the beautiful divine spark within, shining your own unique light to the world without all the memorized patterns, habits and beliefs from your past and your ancestors dictating who you are and how you show up in the world. This unconscious programming and habituation explains why people have the same experiences over and over again. This explains why you can’t the results you want in your life because you are hardwired based on your past experiences unless you choose to change your hardwiring. 

When clients come to me with any chronic situation: chronically sick, chronically broke, chronically unhappy, chronically single etc… I DO NOT ever feel their situation is helpless because I know for a fact change is possible. Change just takes a lot of patience, time, and consistency and this is why most people stop and quit. It took years, decades, and for some of you, lifetimes to get where you are, so yes, it will take time to shift and change. 

The more intense your past experiences (aka trauma) the more intensely your brain is wired with the survival programs you adopted to stay safe and the more resistant to change you will be.  

Here is my favorite way of explaining neuroplasticity (your ability to rewire your brain). Your current neural pathways are like a freeway because you have repeated these thoughts, feelings and actions so many times that it is automatic, fast and instant. You don’t have to think about it or try, it's immediate and unconscious. 

Stimulus - automatic learned behavior, stimulus - automatic learned behavior, and each time you experience the same type of stimulus with the same type of behavior it becomes hard-wired in your brain. Hence the freeway analogy, it's quick, fast and easy. 

Now, you recognize that this automatic learned behavior is no longer serving you and you want to create a new one. Creating new habits is like walking down an overgrown path, all the branches and brush are thick and obstruct your path. Progress is SO SLOW because you have to constantly cut away the branches and brush before you can even pave a new path to walk on. 

Change is so challenging because you are hardwired to stay the same and to play out your most dominant habits and behaviors that you have learned and practiced consciously and unconsciously throughout your life. 

The third reason change is challenging is because it takes CONSISTENCY to change.  

Would you rather drive effortlessly down a freeway at 70mph or would you rather hike arduously through the overgrown path that takes you 50x as long to get through? 

THE FREEWAY every time, it’s fast, easy and pain free. 

Change requires time, effort, practice and consistency. It is not instant, it is a continuous practice that you strengthen overtime, but in our quick-fix, instant gratification culture no one wants to spend the time to do that. We try something for a day, a week, a month and if it doesn’t give us miraculous results we say it doesn’t work. I have been healing my health since I was 11 years old - that is 25 years!!! I have made miraculous strides and I have healed one of my auto-immune diseases but I am still healing my immunodeficiency. Change takes time.

My point is not to discourage you, but to encourage you to keep going. Don’t give up on yourself or your dreams, but start setting yourself up for success by owning and understanding how long it took you to get to where you are and that when you first change it will be uncomfortable and slow and that’s okay!  

Don’t run at the first sign of discomfort, don’t run at your first setback, stand your ground and get the support you need to create consistency, so you can make progress on your overgrown path and create a new freeway - the freeway of your dream! 

I know how challenging change can be. I know that it can be frustrating, uncomfortable, disappointing and sometimes it can feel downright impossible. This is why I fell in love with ThetaHealing® and became a ThetaHealer because it is one of the quickest ways to rewire your brain so you can create lasting change and transformation in your life. ThetaHealing® helps you clear out the overgrown path more quickly by your healer helping you rewire your subconscious mind by releasing old patterns and limiting beliefs, so you can heal and move forward in your life. Thetahealing® helps you align the subconscious with the conscious mind so it is working together as a team supporting you reaching your goals. 

This is also why I created my 3-month Empowered Living program because I know that change takes time, healing takes time and rewiring your brain successfully takes time.

My clients that work with me in this longer container have support, time and consistency they need to change unhealthy habits and behaviors that are limiting their lives and create a new highway system in your brain that supports you in living your best life yet.

It is a well believed myth that it takes 21 days to change a habit, yet research shows that it takes 59-70 days to change a habit, so this three month container gives you the time you need to actually create new habits, beliefs and behaviors.   

Reply ‘change’ to this email and let’s chat about my VIP signature program and how it can create the miraculous results in your life that you are looking for - 2024 here we come!!!

COACHING PRACTICES

Now that you know more about change and why it is so challenging it is time to help you feel empowered to change by learning the first step of changing your life… AWARENESS.

Dr. Joe Dispenza is always saying that we are nothing more than memorized patterns, beliefs and behaviors from the past and we have become so indoctrinated with these habits and behaviors that we would rather suffer in the familiarity of the past rather than face the unknown of the future.  

The truth is most of us fall victim to our past without even realizing it. We live our lives from an unconscious state of habits and beliefs, like a hamster on the hamster wheel. Most of us go through the motions of life until we finally decide to take a stand, face ourselves and cultivate awareness of these unconscious behaviors, choices and habits. Dr. Joe Dipenza’s work on neuroplasticity encourages people to face themselves and overcome the limitations of their past. Remember if your unconscious self is 95% of your mind, then the question becomes are you willing to dismantle who you are to become the person you want to be?

Are you willing to step back and truly observe yourself, your actions, your behaviors and make different choices that are more in alignment with your truest self? 

Are you willing to talk to yourself differently and treat yourself better?

Are you willing to be patient and consistent with your new habits no matter how long it takes?

Are you willing to let go of your old self of the past and step into your vision of the future no matter how unfamiliar and uncomfortable that might be?

Self-examination and creating more awareness empowers you to face your shadows and come out the other side stronger, brighter, and more resilient than ever.

Change is not about being at war with yourself. Change is about HEALING the past so you can unbecome everything you’re not and be the divine essence you were always meant to be in the first place. Join my VIP Empowered Living program and start living the life of your dreams.